A New Chapter: Radiation

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another hurdle in the cancer journey...radiation.  I met with the radiation oncologist last Thursday and completed my simulation/set up.  One of my issues since surgery has been the mobility in my arms, particularly on my left side where the lymph nodes were removed.  I've been working on stretches for a few weeks, but when they laid me on the table to do my scans for set up, I still couldn't get my left arm up over my head into the sling.  They pulled and manipulated it and finally got it stable, but lying there for 10 minutes was so painful!

After that appointment, surprisingly, my arm felt a little better!  In fact, everything from surgery is feeling a whole lot better.  In my last post, I talked about the fact that recovery seemed to stall every few days.  I would feel better for a couple of days, only to relapse back into terrible pain that would shoot from up under my arms around to my shoulder blades.  It was awful, and I wasn't sure it was ever going to end!

For the past week, though, something has changed.  I'm still sore and my chest is tight, but the excruciating pain appears to have ceased!  My PT friend, Kim, said that when she worked on my arm last week, it seemed that perhaps scar tissue was beginning to form under my arm from the surgery, thus creating adhesions that needed to be broken.  I'm not sure if they were able to do some of that when they were manipulating my arm on the radiation table, or if I'm finally just really starting to heal, but I feel SO much better :)

It's been a REALLY busy week around here, but I'm grateful to be doing more (and in less pain when I'm doing it!).  Much of normal life has started to resume, and it's exhausting at this point!  I'm doing as much as I can and giving myself grace when I just can't go anymore.  And, with radiation starting tomorrow, that grace will have to continue.

From what I've been told, radiation is easy compared to chemo; but as the treatments progress, fatigue becomes much stronger.  It's also a daily treatment (M-F) for 5 weeks.  Since the facility is about 25 minutes away, it will likely be a noticeable interruption in our day during that time period.  However, the appointments will be short, and I'm going to try to do them early in the day so that it doesn't conflict too much with our daily activities.  As with everything else in the cancer bag, we'll adjust and learn the "new normal."

Thank you so much for your continual prayers.  If you could pray that radiation would begin smoothly tomorrow, that I'd be able to lift my arm enough (and not be in too much pain doing so), and that God would protect me and care for me during this next stage of treatment, that would be wonderful.  The goal of radiation in my case is to provide one last blast at the areas that were not affected by surgery (my chest wall, clavicle lymph nodes, and mammary lymph nodes).  They are going after anything at the microscopic level that may have been left behind after surgery and chemo.  Hopefully, that's nothing at this point, but it will give us reassurance that we've played all of our cards in order to fight this cancer.

The kids and I have been enjoying the first hints of fall for the past couple of weeks, and we've been quoting a very familiar Bible verse pretty frequently...

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24)   

Such a simple verse, but it's become quite profound around here.  When we see the blue sky and feel the warm sun shining down, we all can't help but feel so grateful for the gift of a day.  Our instructions are to "rejoice" and "be glad in it", so we're trying to do that whenever we can.  We made homemade applesauce yesterday morning, and Hailey commented how good it was to see me doing some of these things again.  It will feel so good to be back to full strength again soon!!

The "fruit" of our labor from apple picking :)

Lunch at one of our favorite parks!  The weather has been spectacular!

Well, maybe not on this day!  It rained through A.J.'s entire football game on Saturday.  The kids thought it was awesome.  We went with it :)

Be still, my heart.  This cutie snuck into bed with us and was still sleeping when I woke up.  I probably won't have many more moments like this to watch him sleep next to me.  He's growing up so fast!

Recovery and the Whisper of Fall

So, it's been a LONG time since my last post!!  Between the excitement of the new school year, our kids' new sports seasons, and a whole lot of leftover pain from my surgery, life has kept me quite occupied!  It's "kind of" a new normal, but not really :)

Surgery has proven to be really difficult on my body, and it has been a rather frustrating 6 weeks of recovery.  After the doctor removed my drainage tubes at 3 weeks post surgery, I was so excited!  The excruciating pain eased off so much, I was able to quit my narcotic pain meds, and I was overall feeling remarkably better.  Until...a week later when the doctor performed another fill to my expanders.  Um, let's just say that I had serious doubts as to whether or not I could handle this whole reconstruction process!  The pain, which is primarily centered under my arms and radiates around to my shoulder blades, can become unbearable with even one slight movement.  I'm honestly not sure what exactly is causing the pain, but my doctors keep reminding me that this surgery with reconstruction can be a terribly painful process for some time and that it will improve eventually.

The crazy thing for me is that it does temporarily improve!  I will have 3 or 4 really good days where my pain becomes just "uncomfortable."  I get a bit giddy and try to dive back into normal life head-first.  And, a few days later, I can't get out of bed again :)  General movement seems to help in those moments, and my PT friend has me doing exercises to loosen up those muscles in order to gain my mobility back, but I'm still having incredible pain fairly consistently.  So you can pray that it begins to subside on a more consistent basis, and that when it doesn't, that I would rest in the healing process and not become discouraged.

Despite the pain, I've been enjoying much of what this new fall season has ushered in!  The kids started school towards the end of August and began their Classical Conversations group last week.  This is our 4th year of homeschooling and attending our weekly CC class meetings, and the year has started off so well!  I was (as you can imagine) SO nervous about how this was all going to go, knowing that after going through chemo and surgery (and with radiation on the very-near horizon), there would be MUCH needed grace all around.

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

A.J.--2nd Grade

Eli--"Preschool"

Hailey--4th Grade

Landon--Kindergarten

As I was recovering this summer, I spend some time planning and really getting a vision for what I wanted this year to look like for the kids.  Hailey is in 4th grade, A.J. is 2nd grade, Landon is Kindergarten, and little Eli is just our sweet and crazy wild card :)  We love our CC group; and it gives the kids not only academic accountability, but wonderful friendships as well (not to mention the friendships it provides for their mama!!).  We meet once a week and continue our own studies at home for the remaining 4 days.  Although I knew it would be a difficult feat to get them there each week, try to help in their classrooms, and attempt to keep up in some way with their work, it was really a no-brainer that we would continue to participate through this crazy school-year.  These moms and their kids are a tremendous blessing for our family, and I know that when I get weary (and I will), we will have all kinds of help and encouragement to endure.

In examining my heart and my vision for the school-year, I quickly realized that it would be a very different year for all of us.  There would be obvious interruptions with my appointments and other aspects of my treatment plan.  There will be days that I just won't feel well.  My oncologist told me today that it will likely be about 6 months to a year before I will really feel like myself (oh, how I love waiting :).  Radiation may knock me further down.  However, how our family lives, moves, and breathes through this school-year is not dependent upon those things.  God is still in control, and He holds the details of our days.  We will accomplish what He desires...nothing more and nothing less.  I want this year to look different, and I want our family to continue to glean beautiful lessons that we've experienced through this storm.  Not just math, reading, and language arts lessons...although we will do those.  But they aren't the foundation that will build my children's hearts.  How we continue to walk with Christ--our responses to difficulties, our grace and forgiveness towards each other, our joy in learning something new--those are the things that I want to reign in our home this year.  And those are the things that I want my children to remember long after this is all over.

It took a bit of putting on my big girl pants, but we were finally able to start school a couple of weeks ago, surprisingly with very little struggle (which is honestly new for us!).  It's most certainly not perfect, but we are enjoying our time so far.  I think the world looks a bit different for everyone right now, and that's a really good thing.

Along with school, we've also been enjoying the fall sports that our family loves!  A.J. is playing flag football, and Hailey is loving volleyball right now.  Add in college football games on Saturdays and Fantasy Football tracking on Sundays, and we're a happy crew (there is a definite theme in a house with 3 boys...their sister can't help but join in too :).  Fall is absolutely one of our favorite times of year, and we are all so excited about apples, pumpkins, leaves, and cooler weather!!

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for our family.  There have been many times when I've just wanted to race ahead 6 months and be completely finished with all of this!  But then I would miss so much good.  Someone reminded me to be grateful that I can be doing all of these cancer treatments.  My body can handle them, and that is sadly not the case for everyone.  Hopefully this will be a distant memory someday.  Yet, I never want to forget these windows...these new little glimpses that allow me to see the world from a brand new angle.  I'm so grateful for those of you that have loved us so well and continue to encourage our hearts.  You truly are a "good and perfect gift, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)

Here are a few more pictures to wrap up our summer!!

Sweet Eli celebrated his 3rd Birthday less than a week after my surgery.  I'm glad someone took pictures, because I have such little memory of the day :)

Oh, how we love cousins!!

One of our babysitters helped the kids make me a big sign and cookies.  Love the teenagers that God has placed in our children's lives to love on them! 

A night out with a few incredible "sisters" to celebrate the good news from surgery!

Over Labor Day weekend, my mom's entire family gathered for a Risinger Family Reunion.  EVERYONE was there, and it was awesome :)

Family apple picking on the first cool day.

"I've got it, Dad!!"

When my kind plastic surgeon came in to prep me for surgery, we had a fun chat about running experiences.  It was so comforting for him to remind me that I will be back to doing something I love before I know it :)

This is the Superman oncologist that helped to save my life :)  This doc is priceless, and I couldn't be more grateful for him and his fighting spirit!