The Final Lap

Just over 16 months ago, our lives were rocked with the terrifying diagnosis of my breast cancer.  The next year would include exhausting chemotherapy treatments, a grueling double-mastectomy, and several rounds of radiation.  As I laid out in detail through that time, it was a year filled with heartache and pain, pushing our whole family to the edge of our own strength over and over again.  And yet, through the suffering came glimpses of beauty that we had never before experienced, and we've been molded and refined by the Lord in ways we never even expected.
 
At times, I wondered if the journey would ever come to an end.  So much of the time spent fighting cancer is a blur in my memory.  From the various treatments to all of the pain medicine, we continue to joke about my "chemo brain!"  It almost feels like that year of my life sped along at full speed while I slept.  When it all started, I had a 9, 7, 5, and 2 year old.  And somehow, in the blink of an eye, those little people have grown into 10, 8, 6, and almost 4 year olds.  That may not seem like a lot, but it feels a bit like an eternity as I stare into their not so tiny faces and examine their not so little hands.  I feel in some ways like that time was taken from me, and yet by God's grace, it has given me such an urgency to savor our moments.  Sometimes I look at them and feel so overwhelmed and humbled that God chose me to be their mom...what a crazy, amazing, absolutely beautiful gift.

Since finishing up my Herceptin treatments in March, it's been BUSY at the Skoog home!  Getting back into full "mom-mode" has been trying and at times, just plain exhausting.  I still feel a bit slow in doing things, and I just don't seem to have the energy to push through like I used to.  And yet, God has been so good in giving our family grace with one another as we've worked our way back into a normal routine.  The kids and I finished up our 4th year of homeschooling a few weeks ago, and between baseball games, volleyball camps, and VBS, our schedule has been pretty full for the past couple of months!  Thanks to my parents and my sweet husband, I was able to sneak away this past weekend with some dear friends to The Gospel Coalition conference...what an AMAZING encouragement and a much needed break in the action around here :) 

We were hoping to finish up my final reconstruction surgery back in February or March.  On my agenda was a quick recovery and a summer FULL of all of the things that I missed out on last year!  The pool, Kings Island, day and weekend trips, and training for my first race back were just a few of the many things on my list.  But alas, God had other plans to refine me just a little bit more :)  I developed an infection back in January/February that my plastic surgeon couldn't seem to get under control.  After several rounds of antibiotics, she determined that the best plan of action was to schedule an "extra" surgery in order to repair the quickly deteriorating skin.  This procedure was completed on March 29th, pushing my final surgery back a few months and into my anticipated summer of fun.  I must say...as impatient of a girl as I've always been, cancer has taught me that my timetable really doesn't matter at all in the equation.  Whatever control I thought I had before was really just an illusion :)

But FINALLY...the day has come!  Tomorrow morning is what will hopefully be my final surgery.  The final stop of the journey.  I've waited so long to be able to say that cancer is really behind me.  There was always another step, another hurdle, another hoop to jump through.  And although I know that I will somewhat continue to have the shadow of cancer following me to my appointments every 3 months for a while, my treatments and procedures will be complete.  Oh, how good that will feel!!!

And so I ask you again, will you pray for me?  Would you pray that this surgery goes smoothly, that there would be no complications, and that I would recover quickly?  The week after surgery tends to be a bit discouraging with all of the pain medicine and limited mobility.  Please pray for patience for our children as they continue to be troopers through all of this.  Pray for Bryan as he faithfully works hard for our family and helps me with recovery, all without complaint.  And finally, pray that God will continue to be glorified through us as we seek to honor Him and as we are hopefully able to close this chapter in our lives for good!