A New Normal...

Wow...I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my last blog post!!  For those of you following our story, I apologize for the hiatus!  In many ways, the past 6 weeks have been wonderfully exciting as I've contemplated what it means to see life, particularly the holidays, through fresh eyes.  There is joy, wonder, and glorious gifts to experience each and every day!

In another sense, these past few weeks have presented their difficulties, many of which have kept me from taking the time and energy to sit and record my thoughts.  Like every stage of this journey, God has to teach me how to walk moment by moment in light of who He is.  I honestly don't know what moving through the stages of cancer looks like, and each person's experience with it is different.  I am in a constant state of dependence on a God who already knows the final outcome and has secured my salvation for all time.  That, I know, and that I have to cling to, even when it's one moment at a time.

Part of my struggle is the daily grind of life calling me to step up again, and I don't always feel ready for the task.  My energy level still isn't fully recovered, and the doctors say that will just take time.  And, it's frankly just not natural for me to wake up joyful and ready to experience the beauty of a new day.  In a fallen world, there is tension and struggle, whether that's cancer or frustration with children or the mundane tasks that characterize our particular station in life.  Like Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us, "His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning."  However, I must fight for that joy on a daily basis, not letting the things of this world weight too heavy on my heart.

After radiation wrapped up (rather abruptly), our world seemed to shift into crazy mode...in like a get prepping for the holidays, move forward with school, resume cooking meals, and try to remember how to take care of 4 kiddos on my own again kind of way.  And through all of the "normal" duties that were resuming, I felt like I somehow needed to reflect a bit on what in the world just happened to the past 10 months of my life!

As I said earlier, it's just a new stage in the cancer journey.  After the initial shock, after the chemotherapy, the surgery, and the radiation, after the big decisions have been made...where do I go from here?  How do I live this new normal that just doesn't feel very normal?  Am I done with cancer?  I still have some treatments left and even ended up in the hospital with chest pains a couple of weeks ago (no worries...everything checked out fine :).  Am I "cancer-free?"  What do I say now?  Do I still have something to say?  How do I adequately thank people for the unimaginable acts of service we've received?  What about the fears that rush upon me as I ponder the risk of recurrence?  I wrote these words in my journal this morning that I feel represent some of this struggle...

"Radiation ended, and I lost my words.  How do I finish this part of the race well?  Where do I go from here?  How do I live well in light of all we've been through and learned?  It seems like I've quit stepping by faith and have, instead, insisted on a peek at the end.  I feel a sense of pressure to "wrap up" this journey.  Father God, help me to remember your faithfulness to walk the next step with me.  Help me to see that you've never called me to get it all right, but to walk each day in the knowledge of who you are.  You WILL be faithful to complete the work you've begun in me." 

My mom and I went to my Herceptin appointment today, and I had my scheduled meeting with Dr. Jones, my oncologist, as well.  God perfectly ordained that conversation with him today, because it was EXACTLY what I needed.  One of my struggles has been this whole concept of "cancer-free," versus "no evidence of disease."  My surgeon (and other doctors) have told me that because of the chance of microscopic cells that may still be roaming my body, I really can't call myself cancer-free.  The chemo and surgery treatments were successful, but they cannot determine if there are smaller amounts of cancer lurking around that just simply wouldn't show up on a scan.  Yet.  That's a hard reality to face, and it's felt like I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As always, my oncologist was a positive breath of fresh air for my soul today.  Although he acknowledged that not all doctors would agree with him, he boldly declared that he would call me "cancer-free!"  His paraphrased words were, "Are we worried about a recurrence, absolutely.  But...right now, the evidence we have is that you are cancer-free!!  Call it what it is, right now.  You can't control what's next, but none of us can.  You may never face cancer again, so why spend time worrying that it "might" be there.  You live, right now, cancer-free."  His goal is to cure my body of this dreadful disease, and he will do everything within his power to accomplish that.  I just needed that, and praise God that he would give me a doctor that would give me those fighting words today.

It's not that I've been dwelling on the negative, but those above questions I listed are real.  If you are praying for me, pray that God would lead my every step as I seek to continue to follow Him through this next stage.  Pray that He would continue to give me opportunities to glorify Him and that I would fully trust in His plans for my life.  And finally, pray that Jesus would truly be enough...that He would not be my consolation prize, but would be my everything.  May I view all things in the light of His glory and grace, especially through this Christmas season.

I was so sad that the Thanksgiving holiday passed and I wasn't able to process my thoughts here!  Part of it was that I "may" have overdone it with the Thanksgiving food preparations (and that all of those preparations were done with a certain 3 year old that thinks that cracking eggs and "helping" is awesome :)  I was WORN out!!  But part of it is that I truly have no idea of how to fully express my thankfulness adequately.  My heart overflows with gratefulness, and I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts together!  How silly, really :)  This picture speaks for itself...

Photo by Leah Robbins Photography

Thank you all, as well, for your ceaseless prayers and support for myself and my whole family.  God has used you in a mighty way in our lives to show His goodness and His great care for us through the most difficult of times.  We are so grateful that countless of you have allowed yourselves to be instruments in the Father's hand to bring Him glory.  What a gift you've given and continue to give us.

Here are some of the other fall pictures that haven't made it up here yet!!  Even in the midst of fatigue and questions, God has been so very good to our family...

Bryan and I have started the tradition of taking the birthday kid out to celebrate his/her birthday with JUST Mom and Dad!!  It was Landon's turn at the end of October :)  Skyline and the Web for him!

The master carver...

Hailey's volleyball team went undefeated for the season and won the end of the season tournament.  She LOVED every minute!

My sweet Dad turned 60 this year, so it was only natural to go out for his favorite food...cheesecake at the new Cheesecake Factory.  This man brings such joy and delight to my life.

Our friend (and our kids' Sunday School teacher) brough us to a Chris Tomlin concert.  It was SOOOO good!!  Thanks, Miss Vicki :)

My dear mother-in-law and sister-in-law at the Skoog Family Thanksgiving.  It was wonderful to celebrate with them (except for the part when our 6 year old threw up all over their entire living room...it made it not only wonderful, but "exciting" :)

Hailey with her beloved cousin, Christy Ann.  These two have so much fun together!!

Thanksgiving with the Robbins family!  Adults, and...

the kids!!  It's never very a dull moment at that table ;)

My grandparents made the trip down to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving.  Love when they're able to come!

The annual Christmas tree hunt!  This year, it was in the rain :)

My friend, Kate, (who is always so much more creative and crafty than me) had the kids over to make gingerbread houses.  It was totally not a disaster!!

We spent the day with our dear friends, the Zurchers.  We started with the Lebanon Christmas Horse Parade and ended with a pretty amazing party downtown, complete with fireworks.  We love them and had such a fun, Christmasy time :)

SURPRISE :)

Well, my plan was to wrap up radiation on Wednesday with a big "celebration!"  I was doing my countdown dance, and my dad had even carved out time for these last 3 mornings to drive me across town to my treatment.  When I arrived today, the radiation therapist greeted me with a huge smile and asked if I was ready for my graduation.  I was a bit confused.  My doctor had told me that I was scheduled for 5 weeks or 25 treatments, which would have made Wednesday my last day.  And although I was CERTAINLY welcoming an early wrap-up, I was pretty sure there was a mistake.  However, they said that my schedule in the computer had me finishing today at 23 treatments, and that I was all done!

I was still a tiny bit skeptical, wanting to make sure that I did in fact receive all of the necessary treatments that my doctor had ordered.  So I called my radiation oncologist this afternoon, and low and behold, she had put in my plan for 23 treatments.  I'm still not positive of the reasoning for 4 1/2 weeks, rather than 5, but I'm SUPER excited to have now completed radiation!!!!  It was a little unclimactic, but it was a very welcomed surprise :)

So another milestone is complete in this cancer journey!!  I will meet with my radiation oncologist again for a follow-up, and we will discuss the next steps for reconstruction surgery with my plastic surgeon soon.  From what we were told before radiation, my body needed to be fully healed from that step before surgery could be performed, which should be about 3-6 months down the road.  Assuming my body continues to recover well from the combination of expanders and radiation, that surgery should be fairly uneventful.  There will be some recovery involved, but it should be nothing at all like the recovery from the first surgery (praise the Lord!!).

I will also continue my Herceptin infusions every three weeks for the next 5-6 months (tomorrow is my next infusion).  Since I'm still seeing my oncologist through that time, I'm not sure what the follow up care will look like after that.  I believe I will continue to see my surgeon at various intervals and will be under the care of my oncologist for the next several years.  I'm so grateful for wonderful doctors who have cared for me well up through this point, and I am confident will continue to do so.

There is much joy at this point among our family and friends, and we are so grateful to be at this point in the journey!  God has been so good throughout each phase of treatment, even on the darkest of days.  We've been stretched, molded, humbled, and at times, completely spent in suffocating exhaustion.  And yet...

"...this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope.  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:21-23)

We never walk this road alone.  God is just as present in the glorious days of sunshine as He is in the most dreadful of storms, and all of those things work together for the good of those who love Him.  I realize more than ever that I am not promised anything in this life.  Not success or money, not a perfect home with a perfect family, not comfort and ease and a beautiful vacation from difficulty waiting around every corner.  The Bible says that I'm not even promised tomorrow.  We live in a fallen and broken world with tragedies, heartache, and things like cancer.  But in Christ, I am promised EVERYTHING that I need in this life and for eternity.  His grace sustains me, His joy knows no bounds, and His peace cannot compare to anything else in our human understanding.  He truly is enough, and I pray that I will continue to cling to the truths that I've learned, even when the dark clouds of life return.

Our family's next step is to try to schedule a little getaway!!  We could use some uninterrupted time together, and I'm finally feeling good enough to enjoy it :)

Seasons Change

For those of you that know me well, you know that the fall is my ABSOLUTE favorite time of year :)  Maybe it's that my birthday falls in October, bringing with it that giddy feeling that the holidays are just around the corner.  Perhaps it's the reminder of the smell of burning leaves out in the country fields of my little hometown in Indiana.  The warm autumn sun that sparkles in the bright blue sky fades into the crisp, cold and grey clouds of November.  It's as if all the world goes down for a nice, long nap, accompanied by blankets, football games, sweaters, and hot chocolate.  The changing of the seasons is such a reminder of God's faithfulness to bring it about each and every year.

My days of radiation are coming to an end...only 5 more treatments!!!  Other than my skin having some burning issues from the radiation beams and my body feeling more of the pressing fatigue, the treatments are going very well.  I noticed after the first couple of weeks that by the end of the day, I was becoming more exhausted.  Now it's just earlier in the day that the fatigue is hitting.  I'm doing a lot as well, which I'm sure contributes to it.  However, there seem to be no complications with my tissue expanders, and my left arm is showing no signs of lymphodema.  I'm so grateful that even with these treatments, I'm able to enjoy so much of normal life again!

Really, we've just been soaking in the days of fall around here, and it's been glorious :)  School is going well for the kids, and we're busy.  A.J.'s football and Hailey's volleyball seasons will wrap up next week, and it will be good to have more time to settle in together at home as the weather gets cold.  We've enjoyed apple picking; and a couple of weeks ago, we visited our very favorite farm, Young's Dairy.  The tradition began 13 years ago when Bryan and I were just a couple of college kids, and we long for the cool October Saturdays to arrive so that we can pick pumpkins and enjoy the delicious ice cream from the dairy farm.  We love it!!

We also enjoyed our church's Missions Conference this past weekend, along with a fantastic Andrew Peterson concert!  Our church supports over 50 missionaries that are bringing the gospel to areas all over the world, and it was such an inspiration to hear several of their stories of the mission field.  I love that our church has such a huge desire to bring the beautiful hope of Christ to even the darkest of nations.  And Andrew Peterson just added to the encouragement of the weekend...his music is like balm to the weariest of souls...  

Today was our little guy, Landon's 6th birthday!!  Oh, how I love this kid so much.  A great illustration for his energy level...he was swinging at the park today (very, very high, I might add!) and decided at the peak of his swing to jump.  Instead of landing on his feet, he just curled up and hit the ground in a little clump.  It was UGLY, and I was pretty sure we'd be heading for the hospital.  Landon, however, seemed basically unfazed and went on to the next challenge, telling me that he actually "meant to do that."  He's full throttle all day long, and yet his heart is beautifully sensitive as well.  He gets "joy" so easily, and he teaches me what it means to swim in the deep end of life.  We went to the park today to meet up with his cousins and some buddies, and it was a really great day!!

Thank you, as always, for continuing to love us through the ups and downs of this journey.  These are good days, and I'm delighted to be feeling so much better!  Part of that joy is fueled by the gentle reminder that all has not been well.  Routines are resuming, yet it's a new normal we're adjusting to now.  Some of that is difficult, although much is welcomed.  Our eyes are wider to even the smallest details of life, and our hands are more open to God's sovereignty in those details.  We've been shaped and molded in countless ways, many that we probably don't even recognize at the moment.  Yet, through it all, God has been so very faithful.  I long to breathe deep these days that feel so much more precious in light of our suffering.  You can pray that we continue to maintain an eternal perspective and that my heart, as always, remains anchored in the One who provides joy abundant.  

  

The Dance of Life...

Yikes...I didn't realize it had been another really long stretch since my last post!!  Daily life has certainly picked up the pace, and aside from late at night, I'm finding it difficult to sneak away to write as often.  Even though that's been a bit disappointing for me, it also means that I'm busy living life again!!

Since radiation began a couple of weeks ago, I've made HUGE progress in terms of my pain.  In fact, aside from some discomfort here and there, I'm virtually pain free!  It took a good 7-8 weeks post surgery to get there, but I'm so grateful to finally be feeling comfortable again.  It certainly gave me a new perspective for people that live with chronic pain :(

After 11 radiation treatments, I'm grateful to report that that phase of the journey is also going well!  These daily appointments do require me to drive to a location about 30 minutes away early in the morning.  However, I'm able to see the sun rise each day, I have about an hour of alone time in the car before my day gets crazy (my dad actually drove me today, which was great time to visit as well!), and I typically arrive back home just as the kids are finishing breakfast.  The radiation team is so kind, and I actually look forward to seeing the other patients that are also there each day receiving treatments.  My radiation oncologist will be administering 25 total treatments, so I'm almost halfway there!  From what I understand, fatigue tends to set in quite heavily as the treatments progress, so we'll see how that goes.  I have noticed that I've needed a nap in the afternoon for the past few days; but I'm still, overall, feeling pretty good!

Life has been moving back towards normalcy, yet as I've mentioned before, it really doesn't look the same.  There is a slower pace, even in the midst of our busy schedule.  School lessons, sports practices/games, appointments...those things are all occurring these days, yet my hands are so much more open to God's plans for us.  I find myself grasping less and less to my checklists and schedules.  The kids and I are spending LOTS of time reading together, baking yummy treats, and drinking apple cider.  We're trying to "rejoice" in the day that God has provided, and I'm so much more likely to do the things that I used to put off for another day.  All of us are learning that joy is a choice, and we are actually allowed to choose that, no matter how we may feel about things going on around us.

My sweet little Eli...he can be a cranky monster or the most precious thing you've ever seen (I've just described all 3 year olds :).  He's been so excited that mommy can hold him again and keeps asking me if I'm all better now.  I can't believe how much he's grown in the past year, and we have my mom and sister to thank for keeping him in line and helping to guide his little heart when I was too sick and weak to do so.

Oh, how much I love this amazing man!!  We had another date to the infusion center this week to get my Herceptin infusion.  As difficult as chemo was, this infusion is easy with little to no side effects!  It's been wonderful to have Bryan at so many of these appointments with me, and I'm certain these will be beautiful memories in our minds one day.

We were able to visit with one of Bryan's grandmas last Sunday.  Her health is declining, yet her 90- year old spirit is still so strong.  We are praying that God gives her many more precious days with her family.

My birthday was last week, and my amazing family made it so very special.  Bryan bought me 2 new outfits and arranged for a babysitter to come so that we could go out to dinner.  It was WONDERFUL!!  We also all went out to Red Robin as a family to celebrate.  Sweet, sweet times...

My dear friend, Emily, and I got our kids together as well for a little birthday lunch.  Everyone had a blast, even Eli (what's up with the sad lip??)!

One of our favorite fall outings is the Lebanon Apple Festival!!  The kids insist on their yearly caramel apples, and we always comply (despite the mess :).  Our family cannot get enough fall fun!!

Below are pictures of a fantastic event that I was invited to participate in a couple of weeks ago!  It's called Volley for the Cure, and it's an event to honor breast cancer survivors put on by the volleyball team at Lakota West High School (where Bryan taught for 10 years).  Our good friends have a daughter who plays on the freshman team at West; so we were able to see her play, as well as the JV and Varsity teams (which our volleyball loving daughter LOVED!).  It was a special night of celebration for all of these women who have fought and conquered this disease, as well as those of us still fighting!  Several of our family and friends also attended, and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion as I stood on that gym floor looking up at them.  It was such a memorable night...

This sweet woman has been in the chemo room with me several times, and I was so excited to see her there!  Friendships form so quickly when you're both fighting the same battle.

I'm so bummed, because there was one more picture that I wanted to include, and that's of on of our precious babysitters, Katie.  For some reason, I can't find the picture on my phone anymore!!  Katie has been an incredible light in our family over the past 8 months; and as she came and played with our kids today, I praised God that she's in our life.  This sweet girl is only 15 years old, yet she loves and serves with a maturity that I can only hope my children will possess one day.  She's given so unselfishly of her time, and she's been in our home during some of my most difficult days.  She texts me to let me know she's praying for me, she helps our kids with their schoolwork, she cleans up our home, and she's never asked for anything in return.  She has truly shared her love for Christ by serving us so well, and we are so grateful for her!!

A New Chapter: Radiation

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another hurdle in the cancer journey...radiation.  I met with the radiation oncologist last Thursday and completed my simulation/set up.  One of my issues since surgery has been the mobility in my arms, particularly on my left side where the lymph nodes were removed.  I've been working on stretches for a few weeks, but when they laid me on the table to do my scans for set up, I still couldn't get my left arm up over my head into the sling.  They pulled and manipulated it and finally got it stable, but lying there for 10 minutes was so painful!

After that appointment, surprisingly, my arm felt a little better!  In fact, everything from surgery is feeling a whole lot better.  In my last post, I talked about the fact that recovery seemed to stall every few days.  I would feel better for a couple of days, only to relapse back into terrible pain that would shoot from up under my arms around to my shoulder blades.  It was awful, and I wasn't sure it was ever going to end!

For the past week, though, something has changed.  I'm still sore and my chest is tight, but the excruciating pain appears to have ceased!  My PT friend, Kim, said that when she worked on my arm last week, it seemed that perhaps scar tissue was beginning to form under my arm from the surgery, thus creating adhesions that needed to be broken.  I'm not sure if they were able to do some of that when they were manipulating my arm on the radiation table, or if I'm finally just really starting to heal, but I feel SO much better :)

It's been a REALLY busy week around here, but I'm grateful to be doing more (and in less pain when I'm doing it!).  Much of normal life has started to resume, and it's exhausting at this point!  I'm doing as much as I can and giving myself grace when I just can't go anymore.  And, with radiation starting tomorrow, that grace will have to continue.

From what I've been told, radiation is easy compared to chemo; but as the treatments progress, fatigue becomes much stronger.  It's also a daily treatment (M-F) for 5 weeks.  Since the facility is about 25 minutes away, it will likely be a noticeable interruption in our day during that time period.  However, the appointments will be short, and I'm going to try to do them early in the day so that it doesn't conflict too much with our daily activities.  As with everything else in the cancer bag, we'll adjust and learn the "new normal."

Thank you so much for your continual prayers.  If you could pray that radiation would begin smoothly tomorrow, that I'd be able to lift my arm enough (and not be in too much pain doing so), and that God would protect me and care for me during this next stage of treatment, that would be wonderful.  The goal of radiation in my case is to provide one last blast at the areas that were not affected by surgery (my chest wall, clavicle lymph nodes, and mammary lymph nodes).  They are going after anything at the microscopic level that may have been left behind after surgery and chemo.  Hopefully, that's nothing at this point, but it will give us reassurance that we've played all of our cards in order to fight this cancer.

The kids and I have been enjoying the first hints of fall for the past couple of weeks, and we've been quoting a very familiar Bible verse pretty frequently...

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24)   

Such a simple verse, but it's become quite profound around here.  When we see the blue sky and feel the warm sun shining down, we all can't help but feel so grateful for the gift of a day.  Our instructions are to "rejoice" and "be glad in it", so we're trying to do that whenever we can.  We made homemade applesauce yesterday morning, and Hailey commented how good it was to see me doing some of these things again.  It will feel so good to be back to full strength again soon!!

The "fruit" of our labor from apple picking :)

Lunch at one of our favorite parks!  The weather has been spectacular!

Well, maybe not on this day!  It rained through A.J.'s entire football game on Saturday.  The kids thought it was awesome.  We went with it :)

Be still, my heart.  This cutie snuck into bed with us and was still sleeping when I woke up.  I probably won't have many more moments like this to watch him sleep next to me.  He's growing up so fast!

Recovery and the Whisper of Fall

So, it's been a LONG time since my last post!!  Between the excitement of the new school year, our kids' new sports seasons, and a whole lot of leftover pain from my surgery, life has kept me quite occupied!  It's "kind of" a new normal, but not really :)

Surgery has proven to be really difficult on my body, and it has been a rather frustrating 6 weeks of recovery.  After the doctor removed my drainage tubes at 3 weeks post surgery, I was so excited!  The excruciating pain eased off so much, I was able to quit my narcotic pain meds, and I was overall feeling remarkably better.  Until...a week later when the doctor performed another fill to my expanders.  Um, let's just say that I had serious doubts as to whether or not I could handle this whole reconstruction process!  The pain, which is primarily centered under my arms and radiates around to my shoulder blades, can become unbearable with even one slight movement.  I'm honestly not sure what exactly is causing the pain, but my doctors keep reminding me that this surgery with reconstruction can be a terribly painful process for some time and that it will improve eventually.

The crazy thing for me is that it does temporarily improve!  I will have 3 or 4 really good days where my pain becomes just "uncomfortable."  I get a bit giddy and try to dive back into normal life head-first.  And, a few days later, I can't get out of bed again :)  General movement seems to help in those moments, and my PT friend has me doing exercises to loosen up those muscles in order to gain my mobility back, but I'm still having incredible pain fairly consistently.  So you can pray that it begins to subside on a more consistent basis, and that when it doesn't, that I would rest in the healing process and not become discouraged.

Despite the pain, I've been enjoying much of what this new fall season has ushered in!  The kids started school towards the end of August and began their Classical Conversations group last week.  This is our 4th year of homeschooling and attending our weekly CC class meetings, and the year has started off so well!  I was (as you can imagine) SO nervous about how this was all going to go, knowing that after going through chemo and surgery (and with radiation on the very-near horizon), there would be MUCH needed grace all around.

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

A.J.--2nd Grade

Eli--"Preschool"

Hailey--4th Grade

Landon--Kindergarten

As I was recovering this summer, I spend some time planning and really getting a vision for what I wanted this year to look like for the kids.  Hailey is in 4th grade, A.J. is 2nd grade, Landon is Kindergarten, and little Eli is just our sweet and crazy wild card :)  We love our CC group; and it gives the kids not only academic accountability, but wonderful friendships as well (not to mention the friendships it provides for their mama!!).  We meet once a week and continue our own studies at home for the remaining 4 days.  Although I knew it would be a difficult feat to get them there each week, try to help in their classrooms, and attempt to keep up in some way with their work, it was really a no-brainer that we would continue to participate through this crazy school-year.  These moms and their kids are a tremendous blessing for our family, and I know that when I get weary (and I will), we will have all kinds of help and encouragement to endure.

In examining my heart and my vision for the school-year, I quickly realized that it would be a very different year for all of us.  There would be obvious interruptions with my appointments and other aspects of my treatment plan.  There will be days that I just won't feel well.  My oncologist told me today that it will likely be about 6 months to a year before I will really feel like myself (oh, how I love waiting :).  Radiation may knock me further down.  However, how our family lives, moves, and breathes through this school-year is not dependent upon those things.  God is still in control, and He holds the details of our days.  We will accomplish what He desires...nothing more and nothing less.  I want this year to look different, and I want our family to continue to glean beautiful lessons that we've experienced through this storm.  Not just math, reading, and language arts lessons...although we will do those.  But they aren't the foundation that will build my children's hearts.  How we continue to walk with Christ--our responses to difficulties, our grace and forgiveness towards each other, our joy in learning something new--those are the things that I want to reign in our home this year.  And those are the things that I want my children to remember long after this is all over.

It took a bit of putting on my big girl pants, but we were finally able to start school a couple of weeks ago, surprisingly with very little struggle (which is honestly new for us!).  It's most certainly not perfect, but we are enjoying our time so far.  I think the world looks a bit different for everyone right now, and that's a really good thing.

Along with school, we've also been enjoying the fall sports that our family loves!  A.J. is playing flag football, and Hailey is loving volleyball right now.  Add in college football games on Saturdays and Fantasy Football tracking on Sundays, and we're a happy crew (there is a definite theme in a house with 3 boys...their sister can't help but join in too :).  Fall is absolutely one of our favorite times of year, and we are all so excited about apples, pumpkins, leaves, and cooler weather!!

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for our family.  There have been many times when I've just wanted to race ahead 6 months and be completely finished with all of this!  But then I would miss so much good.  Someone reminded me to be grateful that I can be doing all of these cancer treatments.  My body can handle them, and that is sadly not the case for everyone.  Hopefully this will be a distant memory someday.  Yet, I never want to forget these windows...these new little glimpses that allow me to see the world from a brand new angle.  I'm so grateful for those of you that have loved us so well and continue to encourage our hearts.  You truly are a "good and perfect gift, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)

Here are a few more pictures to wrap up our summer!!

Sweet Eli celebrated his 3rd Birthday less than a week after my surgery.  I'm glad someone took pictures, because I have such little memory of the day :)

Oh, how we love cousins!!

One of our babysitters helped the kids make me a big sign and cookies.  Love the teenagers that God has placed in our children's lives to love on them! 

A night out with a few incredible "sisters" to celebrate the good news from surgery!

Over Labor Day weekend, my mom's entire family gathered for a Risinger Family Reunion.  EVERYONE was there, and it was awesome :)

Family apple picking on the first cool day.

"I've got it, Dad!!"

When my kind plastic surgeon came in to prep me for surgery, we had a fun chat about running experiences.  It was so comforting for him to remind me that I will be back to doing something I love before I know it :)

This is the Superman oncologist that helped to save my life :)  This doc is priceless, and I couldn't be more grateful for him and his fighting spirit!