Change of Plans

So, as many of you know, I was scheduled to have surgery tomorrow afternoon.  When chemo was ready to wrap up, we had our pre-surgical consult with our surgeon and left feeling quite unsettled.  We didn't feel like we had a lot of information to help make our decision, which was to do a recommended lumpectomy or to go further with a mastectomy.  We knew that my mammogram contained a lot of calcifications, and the surgeon's plan was to remove about 4 cm of those and test margins for cancer.  If there was any left, she would attempt another surgery (possibly a mastectomy at that point).

Something left us feeling very uneasy about the plan, and the fact that we had very little information on either surgery didn't give us the confidence we felt like we needed to make a good decision.  Last week provided a WHIRLWIND of information as we sought the opinion of several doctors (some surgeons, some in other specialties).  Bryan and I felt exhausted and weary from the many appointments, but we also believed we were becoming so much more informed on my situation.

After discussing my case with these doctors, it didn't take us very long to make a final decision.  Each of them agreed that a mastectomy would be my best option moving forward.  Although we are very encouraged by my recent MRI results, it does not mean necessarily that the cancer is gone.  My mammogram is still very suspicious, and it would be difficult to tell which areas are possible cancer zones and which are clean.  This could also make following my further mammograms and other scans difficult post surgery.  One of the surgeons also still felt something at the tumor site, as well as an enlarged lymph node.

Being that I'm so young, that there was cancer likely residing in multiple lymph nodes, and the fact that my tumor was so large, they all believed that it was better to take a more aggressive approach.  Although the final outcome (statistically) would likely be the same with either a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy, there is a higher risk of recurrence with the first option.  And although I was negative for the genetic testing they performed, all agreed that there could be another gene discovered in the future that may reveal a positive result for me.

The doctors we met with were so encouraging and kind, and by the end of the week, we felt so much more solid moving forward.  Therefore, we canceled the lumpectomy for tomorrow and are moving ahead with a bi-lateral mastectomy.  We are also going to make a switch to one of the other surgeons that our friend at Sloan Kettering recommended.  She works directly with our oncologist, as well as our radiology oncologist, so it seems like a very logical switch (although we are so grateful for our first surgeon and all she has done for me to this point...it was certainly part of God's plan for Him to use her in the ways that He did).  It is definitely not the procedure that I would prefer from a pain/recovery standpoint, but we believe it is the choice that will give us the most peace of mind to know we did all we could do to battle this cancer.

I will update here once we get this surgery on the calendar.  According to the doctors, I will still need radiation after my mastectomy, so we will update the time frame for that process as well (it will likely be further into the fall).

I've said it before in my other blog posts...when we get to talking heavily about the cancer, it's easy for my heart to become anxious.  It's a battle to keep my mind focused on the present moment, knowing that I have all the grace I need for that and that alone.  I have to remember that God is not calling me to navigate this all alone.  He will give me the information and discernment at each moment, even if I can't see the big picture yet.  And if I daily renew my mind with the truths of my God...that Jesus Christ has already accomplished victory for me on the cross, that He has forgiven me and loves me with an everlasting love, that He promises to never leave me or forsake me...I truly have all I need today.

As always, in the midst of our struggle with cancer, there are beautiful windows...little glimpses that God allows me to peer through with new eyes that both refresh and quiet my restless heart.  We had some wonderful time together with our little family last week that provided just that!  Here are some snapshots...

Our two older boys played on the same baseball team together this year, and they had their awards banquet last week.  This was an AWESOME experience for these best buddies to play together and to watch them work hard at home together as well.  They loved it, and so did we :)

My dear friends from childhood came up for another visit this past week and brought many of their kiddos!  It warms my heart each time I see these girls and think about how our paths crossed when we were so young.  God has given us a gift in this life-long friendship, and they have lifted my spirits so many times throughout this journey of cancer.

My sweet Hailey and I left the boys on Saturday and went out for a little girl time!  We went to lunch at Book Bums (an adorable little place that also has yummy food!) and then ventured over to see the play "Broadway Headlines," performed by the Cincinnati Christian Children's Theater.  Anything that contains songs from Les Miserables and Wicked sounds good to me, and we had a blast together!

Thank you all so much for continuing to pray for our family through this journey.  We will post an update once we finalize a new surgery date.  Your love and encouragement are a constant testimony to our incredible God!!