Home Sweet Home

Psalm 46 (ESV)

God is our refuge and strength, 
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved 
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
He utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us; 
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; 
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
"Be still and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
The Lord of hosts is with us; 
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

I thought I would have a lot to say after coming home from surgery...so much has happened to my body in the past several days!  However, I've also been taking so much pain medicine that I hardly remember any of it!  In fact, I went to make a phone call to one of my doctors yesterday afternoon, and my mom informed me that I had already talked to her last Thursday when I was in the hospital.  My world is fuzzy and filled with these "dream-like" conversations, the result of the much needed medications to keep up with the intense pain.

On the day of surgery, God provided all of the peace and rest that I needed to face those uncertain moments.  I had meetings with all of my doctors that morning, and the fearful anticipation faded into determined strength as we went over each procedure.  It became so clear that we were with the right team of doctors, and that the Lord would hold my shaky hand each step of the way.

My brother came to the hospital before surgery to pray with Bryan, my mom, and myself and to read some scripture with us (including Psalm 46 above).  How comforting to know that I can "be still" before God.  To recognize His character and to find complete and total peace in Him.  My heart was restless up until the day before surgery.  But once it was time to go, I could rest that His plan for me was solid.  Would it mean that I would have no further pain or difficulty?  No.  Would it mean that things would work out in perfect order, just the way I planned them to?  No.  But could I trust in a powerful God who not only put this magnificent world in motion, but also cares deeply for each and every detail of my life?  Absolutely.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it. (Psalm 139: 1-6)

The surgery was performed by a surgical oncologist (for the bi-lateral mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection) and a plastic surgeon (to put in tissue expanders for reconstruction).  It lasted almost 7 hours, and I was told that everything went very well!  I had a very sweet nurse who apparently, according to my instructions, was not allowed to leave my side.  Early in my chemotherapy, my body had allergically reacted to one of my chemo drugs (my throat swelled up, and I couldn't breathe).  Although that didn't happen this time, I think that some of the anesthesia gave me a similar feeling when I woke up from surgery.  But she was wonderful, as were all of the nurses that cared for me during my time in the hospital.  It was an extremely painful few days and nights, and I was so grateful for such fantastic care from all of my doctors, nurses, and other assistants.

So, I've been home now since Friday evening, and it's just been crazy foggy and painful!!  I will be seeing my plastic surgeon and his team later this afternoon and will see my surgical oncologist on Friday.  We should have pathology results back when we meet with our doctor on Friday.  Hopefully my body is beginning to heal and things will be moving in a good direction soon!  Thank you so much for all of your prayers for us.  You can pray, specifically for my mom and Bryan, as they are the people that are caring the most for me on a daily basis right now.  Pray for strength, patience, and energy as they care for not only me, but our sweet kiddos as well.  Pray, also, that I would not get discouraged with the pain, but would endure and "fix my eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2)

My sweet nurse, Angie, took care of me for the final round before I came home.