SURPRISE :)

Well, my plan was to wrap up radiation on Wednesday with a big "celebration!"  I was doing my countdown dance, and my dad had even carved out time for these last 3 mornings to drive me across town to my treatment.  When I arrived today, the radiation therapist greeted me with a huge smile and asked if I was ready for my graduation.  I was a bit confused.  My doctor had told me that I was scheduled for 5 weeks or 25 treatments, which would have made Wednesday my last day.  And although I was CERTAINLY welcoming an early wrap-up, I was pretty sure there was a mistake.  However, they said that my schedule in the computer had me finishing today at 23 treatments, and that I was all done!

I was still a tiny bit skeptical, wanting to make sure that I did in fact receive all of the necessary treatments that my doctor had ordered.  So I called my radiation oncologist this afternoon, and low and behold, she had put in my plan for 23 treatments.  I'm still not positive of the reasoning for 4 1/2 weeks, rather than 5, but I'm SUPER excited to have now completed radiation!!!!  It was a little unclimactic, but it was a very welcomed surprise :)

So another milestone is complete in this cancer journey!!  I will meet with my radiation oncologist again for a follow-up, and we will discuss the next steps for reconstruction surgery with my plastic surgeon soon.  From what we were told before radiation, my body needed to be fully healed from that step before surgery could be performed, which should be about 3-6 months down the road.  Assuming my body continues to recover well from the combination of expanders and radiation, that surgery should be fairly uneventful.  There will be some recovery involved, but it should be nothing at all like the recovery from the first surgery (praise the Lord!!).

I will also continue my Herceptin infusions every three weeks for the next 5-6 months (tomorrow is my next infusion).  Since I'm still seeing my oncologist through that time, I'm not sure what the follow up care will look like after that.  I believe I will continue to see my surgeon at various intervals and will be under the care of my oncologist for the next several years.  I'm so grateful for wonderful doctors who have cared for me well up through this point, and I am confident will continue to do so.

There is much joy at this point among our family and friends, and we are so grateful to be at this point in the journey!  God has been so good throughout each phase of treatment, even on the darkest of days.  We've been stretched, molded, humbled, and at times, completely spent in suffocating exhaustion.  And yet...

"...this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope.  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:21-23)

We never walk this road alone.  God is just as present in the glorious days of sunshine as He is in the most dreadful of storms, and all of those things work together for the good of those who love Him.  I realize more than ever that I am not promised anything in this life.  Not success or money, not a perfect home with a perfect family, not comfort and ease and a beautiful vacation from difficulty waiting around every corner.  The Bible says that I'm not even promised tomorrow.  We live in a fallen and broken world with tragedies, heartache, and things like cancer.  But in Christ, I am promised EVERYTHING that I need in this life and for eternity.  His grace sustains me, His joy knows no bounds, and His peace cannot compare to anything else in our human understanding.  He truly is enough, and I pray that I will continue to cling to the truths that I've learned, even when the dark clouds of life return.

Our family's next step is to try to schedule a little getaway!!  We could use some uninterrupted time together, and I'm finally feeling good enough to enjoy it :)

Seasons Change

For those of you that know me well, you know that the fall is my ABSOLUTE favorite time of year :)  Maybe it's that my birthday falls in October, bringing with it that giddy feeling that the holidays are just around the corner.  Perhaps it's the reminder of the smell of burning leaves out in the country fields of my little hometown in Indiana.  The warm autumn sun that sparkles in the bright blue sky fades into the crisp, cold and grey clouds of November.  It's as if all the world goes down for a nice, long nap, accompanied by blankets, football games, sweaters, and hot chocolate.  The changing of the seasons is such a reminder of God's faithfulness to bring it about each and every year.

My days of radiation are coming to an end...only 5 more treatments!!!  Other than my skin having some burning issues from the radiation beams and my body feeling more of the pressing fatigue, the treatments are going very well.  I noticed after the first couple of weeks that by the end of the day, I was becoming more exhausted.  Now it's just earlier in the day that the fatigue is hitting.  I'm doing a lot as well, which I'm sure contributes to it.  However, there seem to be no complications with my tissue expanders, and my left arm is showing no signs of lymphodema.  I'm so grateful that even with these treatments, I'm able to enjoy so much of normal life again!

Really, we've just been soaking in the days of fall around here, and it's been glorious :)  School is going well for the kids, and we're busy.  A.J.'s football and Hailey's volleyball seasons will wrap up next week, and it will be good to have more time to settle in together at home as the weather gets cold.  We've enjoyed apple picking; and a couple of weeks ago, we visited our very favorite farm, Young's Dairy.  The tradition began 13 years ago when Bryan and I were just a couple of college kids, and we long for the cool October Saturdays to arrive so that we can pick pumpkins and enjoy the delicious ice cream from the dairy farm.  We love it!!

We also enjoyed our church's Missions Conference this past weekend, along with a fantastic Andrew Peterson concert!  Our church supports over 50 missionaries that are bringing the gospel to areas all over the world, and it was such an inspiration to hear several of their stories of the mission field.  I love that our church has such a huge desire to bring the beautiful hope of Christ to even the darkest of nations.  And Andrew Peterson just added to the encouragement of the weekend...his music is like balm to the weariest of souls...  

Today was our little guy, Landon's 6th birthday!!  Oh, how I love this kid so much.  A great illustration for his energy level...he was swinging at the park today (very, very high, I might add!) and decided at the peak of his swing to jump.  Instead of landing on his feet, he just curled up and hit the ground in a little clump.  It was UGLY, and I was pretty sure we'd be heading for the hospital.  Landon, however, seemed basically unfazed and went on to the next challenge, telling me that he actually "meant to do that."  He's full throttle all day long, and yet his heart is beautifully sensitive as well.  He gets "joy" so easily, and he teaches me what it means to swim in the deep end of life.  We went to the park today to meet up with his cousins and some buddies, and it was a really great day!!

Thank you, as always, for continuing to love us through the ups and downs of this journey.  These are good days, and I'm delighted to be feeling so much better!  Part of that joy is fueled by the gentle reminder that all has not been well.  Routines are resuming, yet it's a new normal we're adjusting to now.  Some of that is difficult, although much is welcomed.  Our eyes are wider to even the smallest details of life, and our hands are more open to God's sovereignty in those details.  We've been shaped and molded in countless ways, many that we probably don't even recognize at the moment.  Yet, through it all, God has been so very faithful.  I long to breathe deep these days that feel so much more precious in light of our suffering.  You can pray that we continue to maintain an eternal perspective and that my heart, as always, remains anchored in the One who provides joy abundant.  

  

The Dance of Life...

Yikes...I didn't realize it had been another really long stretch since my last post!!  Daily life has certainly picked up the pace, and aside from late at night, I'm finding it difficult to sneak away to write as often.  Even though that's been a bit disappointing for me, it also means that I'm busy living life again!!

Since radiation began a couple of weeks ago, I've made HUGE progress in terms of my pain.  In fact, aside from some discomfort here and there, I'm virtually pain free!  It took a good 7-8 weeks post surgery to get there, but I'm so grateful to finally be feeling comfortable again.  It certainly gave me a new perspective for people that live with chronic pain :(

After 11 radiation treatments, I'm grateful to report that that phase of the journey is also going well!  These daily appointments do require me to drive to a location about 30 minutes away early in the morning.  However, I'm able to see the sun rise each day, I have about an hour of alone time in the car before my day gets crazy (my dad actually drove me today, which was great time to visit as well!), and I typically arrive back home just as the kids are finishing breakfast.  The radiation team is so kind, and I actually look forward to seeing the other patients that are also there each day receiving treatments.  My radiation oncologist will be administering 25 total treatments, so I'm almost halfway there!  From what I understand, fatigue tends to set in quite heavily as the treatments progress, so we'll see how that goes.  I have noticed that I've needed a nap in the afternoon for the past few days; but I'm still, overall, feeling pretty good!

Life has been moving back towards normalcy, yet as I've mentioned before, it really doesn't look the same.  There is a slower pace, even in the midst of our busy schedule.  School lessons, sports practices/games, appointments...those things are all occurring these days, yet my hands are so much more open to God's plans for us.  I find myself grasping less and less to my checklists and schedules.  The kids and I are spending LOTS of time reading together, baking yummy treats, and drinking apple cider.  We're trying to "rejoice" in the day that God has provided, and I'm so much more likely to do the things that I used to put off for another day.  All of us are learning that joy is a choice, and we are actually allowed to choose that, no matter how we may feel about things going on around us.

My sweet little Eli...he can be a cranky monster or the most precious thing you've ever seen (I've just described all 3 year olds :).  He's been so excited that mommy can hold him again and keeps asking me if I'm all better now.  I can't believe how much he's grown in the past year, and we have my mom and sister to thank for keeping him in line and helping to guide his little heart when I was too sick and weak to do so.

Oh, how much I love this amazing man!!  We had another date to the infusion center this week to get my Herceptin infusion.  As difficult as chemo was, this infusion is easy with little to no side effects!  It's been wonderful to have Bryan at so many of these appointments with me, and I'm certain these will be beautiful memories in our minds one day.

We were able to visit with one of Bryan's grandmas last Sunday.  Her health is declining, yet her 90- year old spirit is still so strong.  We are praying that God gives her many more precious days with her family.

My birthday was last week, and my amazing family made it so very special.  Bryan bought me 2 new outfits and arranged for a babysitter to come so that we could go out to dinner.  It was WONDERFUL!!  We also all went out to Red Robin as a family to celebrate.  Sweet, sweet times...

My dear friend, Emily, and I got our kids together as well for a little birthday lunch.  Everyone had a blast, even Eli (what's up with the sad lip??)!

One of our favorite fall outings is the Lebanon Apple Festival!!  The kids insist on their yearly caramel apples, and we always comply (despite the mess :).  Our family cannot get enough fall fun!!

Below are pictures of a fantastic event that I was invited to participate in a couple of weeks ago!  It's called Volley for the Cure, and it's an event to honor breast cancer survivors put on by the volleyball team at Lakota West High School (where Bryan taught for 10 years).  Our good friends have a daughter who plays on the freshman team at West; so we were able to see her play, as well as the JV and Varsity teams (which our volleyball loving daughter LOVED!).  It was a special night of celebration for all of these women who have fought and conquered this disease, as well as those of us still fighting!  Several of our family and friends also attended, and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion as I stood on that gym floor looking up at them.  It was such a memorable night...

This sweet woman has been in the chemo room with me several times, and I was so excited to see her there!  Friendships form so quickly when you're both fighting the same battle.

I'm so bummed, because there was one more picture that I wanted to include, and that's of on of our precious babysitters, Katie.  For some reason, I can't find the picture on my phone anymore!!  Katie has been an incredible light in our family over the past 8 months; and as she came and played with our kids today, I praised God that she's in our life.  This sweet girl is only 15 years old, yet she loves and serves with a maturity that I can only hope my children will possess one day.  She's given so unselfishly of her time, and she's been in our home during some of my most difficult days.  She texts me to let me know she's praying for me, she helps our kids with their schoolwork, she cleans up our home, and she's never asked for anything in return.  She has truly shared her love for Christ by serving us so well, and we are so grateful for her!!

A New Chapter: Radiation

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another hurdle in the cancer journey...radiation.  I met with the radiation oncologist last Thursday and completed my simulation/set up.  One of my issues since surgery has been the mobility in my arms, particularly on my left side where the lymph nodes were removed.  I've been working on stretches for a few weeks, but when they laid me on the table to do my scans for set up, I still couldn't get my left arm up over my head into the sling.  They pulled and manipulated it and finally got it stable, but lying there for 10 minutes was so painful!

After that appointment, surprisingly, my arm felt a little better!  In fact, everything from surgery is feeling a whole lot better.  In my last post, I talked about the fact that recovery seemed to stall every few days.  I would feel better for a couple of days, only to relapse back into terrible pain that would shoot from up under my arms around to my shoulder blades.  It was awful, and I wasn't sure it was ever going to end!

For the past week, though, something has changed.  I'm still sore and my chest is tight, but the excruciating pain appears to have ceased!  My PT friend, Kim, said that when she worked on my arm last week, it seemed that perhaps scar tissue was beginning to form under my arm from the surgery, thus creating adhesions that needed to be broken.  I'm not sure if they were able to do some of that when they were manipulating my arm on the radiation table, or if I'm finally just really starting to heal, but I feel SO much better :)

It's been a REALLY busy week around here, but I'm grateful to be doing more (and in less pain when I'm doing it!).  Much of normal life has started to resume, and it's exhausting at this point!  I'm doing as much as I can and giving myself grace when I just can't go anymore.  And, with radiation starting tomorrow, that grace will have to continue.

From what I've been told, radiation is easy compared to chemo; but as the treatments progress, fatigue becomes much stronger.  It's also a daily treatment (M-F) for 5 weeks.  Since the facility is about 25 minutes away, it will likely be a noticeable interruption in our day during that time period.  However, the appointments will be short, and I'm going to try to do them early in the day so that it doesn't conflict too much with our daily activities.  As with everything else in the cancer bag, we'll adjust and learn the "new normal."

Thank you so much for your continual prayers.  If you could pray that radiation would begin smoothly tomorrow, that I'd be able to lift my arm enough (and not be in too much pain doing so), and that God would protect me and care for me during this next stage of treatment, that would be wonderful.  The goal of radiation in my case is to provide one last blast at the areas that were not affected by surgery (my chest wall, clavicle lymph nodes, and mammary lymph nodes).  They are going after anything at the microscopic level that may have been left behind after surgery and chemo.  Hopefully, that's nothing at this point, but it will give us reassurance that we've played all of our cards in order to fight this cancer.

The kids and I have been enjoying the first hints of fall for the past couple of weeks, and we've been quoting a very familiar Bible verse pretty frequently...

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24)   

Such a simple verse, but it's become quite profound around here.  When we see the blue sky and feel the warm sun shining down, we all can't help but feel so grateful for the gift of a day.  Our instructions are to "rejoice" and "be glad in it", so we're trying to do that whenever we can.  We made homemade applesauce yesterday morning, and Hailey commented how good it was to see me doing some of these things again.  It will feel so good to be back to full strength again soon!!

The "fruit" of our labor from apple picking :)

Lunch at one of our favorite parks!  The weather has been spectacular!

Well, maybe not on this day!  It rained through A.J.'s entire football game on Saturday.  The kids thought it was awesome.  We went with it :)

Be still, my heart.  This cutie snuck into bed with us and was still sleeping when I woke up.  I probably won't have many more moments like this to watch him sleep next to me.  He's growing up so fast!

Recovery and the Whisper of Fall

So, it's been a LONG time since my last post!!  Between the excitement of the new school year, our kids' new sports seasons, and a whole lot of leftover pain from my surgery, life has kept me quite occupied!  It's "kind of" a new normal, but not really :)

Surgery has proven to be really difficult on my body, and it has been a rather frustrating 6 weeks of recovery.  After the doctor removed my drainage tubes at 3 weeks post surgery, I was so excited!  The excruciating pain eased off so much, I was able to quit my narcotic pain meds, and I was overall feeling remarkably better.  Until...a week later when the doctor performed another fill to my expanders.  Um, let's just say that I had serious doubts as to whether or not I could handle this whole reconstruction process!  The pain, which is primarily centered under my arms and radiates around to my shoulder blades, can become unbearable with even one slight movement.  I'm honestly not sure what exactly is causing the pain, but my doctors keep reminding me that this surgery with reconstruction can be a terribly painful process for some time and that it will improve eventually.

The crazy thing for me is that it does temporarily improve!  I will have 3 or 4 really good days where my pain becomes just "uncomfortable."  I get a bit giddy and try to dive back into normal life head-first.  And, a few days later, I can't get out of bed again :)  General movement seems to help in those moments, and my PT friend has me doing exercises to loosen up those muscles in order to gain my mobility back, but I'm still having incredible pain fairly consistently.  So you can pray that it begins to subside on a more consistent basis, and that when it doesn't, that I would rest in the healing process and not become discouraged.

Despite the pain, I've been enjoying much of what this new fall season has ushered in!  The kids started school towards the end of August and began their Classical Conversations group last week.  This is our 4th year of homeschooling and attending our weekly CC class meetings, and the year has started off so well!  I was (as you can imagine) SO nervous about how this was all going to go, knowing that after going through chemo and surgery (and with radiation on the very-near horizon), there would be MUCH needed grace all around.

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

First Day of Classical Conversations 2015-2016

A.J.--2nd Grade

Eli--"Preschool"

Hailey--4th Grade

Landon--Kindergarten

As I was recovering this summer, I spend some time planning and really getting a vision for what I wanted this year to look like for the kids.  Hailey is in 4th grade, A.J. is 2nd grade, Landon is Kindergarten, and little Eli is just our sweet and crazy wild card :)  We love our CC group; and it gives the kids not only academic accountability, but wonderful friendships as well (not to mention the friendships it provides for their mama!!).  We meet once a week and continue our own studies at home for the remaining 4 days.  Although I knew it would be a difficult feat to get them there each week, try to help in their classrooms, and attempt to keep up in some way with their work, it was really a no-brainer that we would continue to participate through this crazy school-year.  These moms and their kids are a tremendous blessing for our family, and I know that when I get weary (and I will), we will have all kinds of help and encouragement to endure.

In examining my heart and my vision for the school-year, I quickly realized that it would be a very different year for all of us.  There would be obvious interruptions with my appointments and other aspects of my treatment plan.  There will be days that I just won't feel well.  My oncologist told me today that it will likely be about 6 months to a year before I will really feel like myself (oh, how I love waiting :).  Radiation may knock me further down.  However, how our family lives, moves, and breathes through this school-year is not dependent upon those things.  God is still in control, and He holds the details of our days.  We will accomplish what He desires...nothing more and nothing less.  I want this year to look different, and I want our family to continue to glean beautiful lessons that we've experienced through this storm.  Not just math, reading, and language arts lessons...although we will do those.  But they aren't the foundation that will build my children's hearts.  How we continue to walk with Christ--our responses to difficulties, our grace and forgiveness towards each other, our joy in learning something new--those are the things that I want to reign in our home this year.  And those are the things that I want my children to remember long after this is all over.

It took a bit of putting on my big girl pants, but we were finally able to start school a couple of weeks ago, surprisingly with very little struggle (which is honestly new for us!).  It's most certainly not perfect, but we are enjoying our time so far.  I think the world looks a bit different for everyone right now, and that's a really good thing.

Along with school, we've also been enjoying the fall sports that our family loves!  A.J. is playing flag football, and Hailey is loving volleyball right now.  Add in college football games on Saturdays and Fantasy Football tracking on Sundays, and we're a happy crew (there is a definite theme in a house with 3 boys...their sister can't help but join in too :).  Fall is absolutely one of our favorite times of year, and we are all so excited about apples, pumpkins, leaves, and cooler weather!!

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for our family.  There have been many times when I've just wanted to race ahead 6 months and be completely finished with all of this!  But then I would miss so much good.  Someone reminded me to be grateful that I can be doing all of these cancer treatments.  My body can handle them, and that is sadly not the case for everyone.  Hopefully this will be a distant memory someday.  Yet, I never want to forget these windows...these new little glimpses that allow me to see the world from a brand new angle.  I'm so grateful for those of you that have loved us so well and continue to encourage our hearts.  You truly are a "good and perfect gift, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)

Here are a few more pictures to wrap up our summer!!

Sweet Eli celebrated his 3rd Birthday less than a week after my surgery.  I'm glad someone took pictures, because I have such little memory of the day :)

Oh, how we love cousins!!

One of our babysitters helped the kids make me a big sign and cookies.  Love the teenagers that God has placed in our children's lives to love on them! 

A night out with a few incredible "sisters" to celebrate the good news from surgery!

Over Labor Day weekend, my mom's entire family gathered for a Risinger Family Reunion.  EVERYONE was there, and it was awesome :)

Family apple picking on the first cool day.

"I've got it, Dad!!"

When my kind plastic surgeon came in to prep me for surgery, we had a fun chat about running experiences.  It was so comforting for him to remind me that I will be back to doing something I love before I know it :)

This is the Superman oncologist that helped to save my life :)  This doc is priceless, and I couldn't be more grateful for him and his fighting spirit!

Changed for Good

Tomorrow will mark the 3-week post-surgery point, and there hasn't been a whole lot to report!  The recovery from my surgery was supposed to last 4-6 weeks, but I assumed I would feel so much better by now.  Unfortunately, recovery has just been SLOW.  There is consistent pain throughout the day, but the nights have been incredibly difficult.  From the moment I get into bed until the next morning, I'm in pain that makes even small movements almost unbearable.  I wake frequently to shift ever so slightly, and my poor husband listens to my cries of constant discomfort throughout the night.

My mom has been coming early in the morning just to help push me out of bed, give me my next round of medications, and empty my drainage tubes.  It's been rather pathetic :)  However, once I get up and moving, particularly for the past few days, I've felt better and am getting more mobile around the house.  Praise God that I've had my precious mom here to help keep our home from completely biting the dust!  She's a gentle, yet firm presence for my children, and an unbelievable caretaker for both me and my home.  And honestly, I have just enjoyed spending time with her!  She encourages me when I'm prone to pity and makes me laugh when my medications makes me foggy and forgetful.  Laughter has always made the ickiness of cancer so much more bearable.

Hanging out with my mom at my Herceptin infusion :)

During my first appointment with the plastic surgeon, he was able to remove 2 of the 4 drains from my side, just under my arms.  When I saw him last week, I was SO hoping he would remove the other two as well.  Instead, he told me to take it easy, and I walked back to the car with two painful drains still hanging from my sides.  Today, however, it was a different story!  He removed the last two drains, which I am so excited about!!  Hopefully that will cut down on my pain and will be a much needed inconvenience removed.

We are still rejoicing with happy hearts from the news of my pathology report, so much so that I sometimes feel like this is the end of the road!  And then reality hits, and I realize there are still hurdles to jump.  Comparatively shorter and less difficult hurdles, yet obstacles that I'd really rather avoid.  After spending two hours in the infusion center yesterday, only to glance at my calendar to make my next appointment 3 weeks from now was a bleak reminder that my journey isn't over.  I will visit those sweet nurses and sit with my other cancer fighting comrades every 3 weeks for the next 6 months.  The baton has been passed from my surgical oncologist to both my plastic surgeon and my radiation oncologist for the remainder of my cancer treatments; and as much as I like both doctors, I'm not particularly excited to enter this last phase.  Reconstruction and radiation don't come without complication risks, so you can pray that both of those in tandem will go smoothly. 

Honestly, I'm just ready to feel like myself again.  I remember looking in the mirror when I was first diagnosed with cancer, and I looked so normal!  There were no symptoms, and I didn't feel sick at all.  Yet I knew that I was getting ready to dive into the abyss of cancer treatments, and it would change so much about me.  It didn't happen all at once, but one day I glanced at myself again in the mirror and the fear had become reality...I looked like I had cancer.  Those treatments had ravaged my body to a point where I hardly recognized myself in the mirror.  Now that the chemo and surgery part of my treatments are over, I'm ready for my hair to grow long again and for strength to return to my body.  And like almost everything else in this cancer journey, SLOW is the name of the game.  My hair is starting to grow back in, and I joke that I look like one of those little troll dolls from the 80's when I wake up in the morning (minus the florescent color :)  My blood counts are still on the low side, so my strength is still minimal.  And thanks to the pain from surgery, I spend much of the day feeling a bit useless.

As I shared some of these frustrations with Bryan last night, he reminded me that many of those things will return.  My hair will grow back, the pain will eventually subside, and the treatments will hopefully become a distant memory.  But I will be different.  Cancer has and will continue to mark me in ways that I may not even have a glimpse of yet, and I will be forever changed.  My heart has witnessed things through the lens of suffering that wouldn't have otherwise been seen, and I can't even begin to express my gratefulness for that.  As I wrote about in a previous post...God is making me new through a heartache like cancer, and it is overwhelming to see His love for me through each step of that process.  Those changes, which were once so painful in the beginning, have become welcomed reminders that He is good and faithful to complete His work in us.  He loves us enough to not leave us where we are, but continues to mold us each day for our good and for His glory.

One last thing...a while back, I asked you to pray for a few families in our church that were battling suffering.  I know they would covet your prayers now more than ever.  One man battling pancreatic cancer had received the heartbreaking news that they couldn't complete his whipple surgery because the cancer had spread from his pancreas to his liver.  He is continuing to bravely fight for his life as he endures endless chemo treatments.  The woman I mentioned is also literally fighting for her precious life as doctors try to keep up with the complications from her inoperable cancer.  I've spoken to both of these individuals recently, and it's breathtaking to hear of their love and trust in their Savior in the midst of such tragic pain.  They have learned the beautiful truth that suffering is not void of His goodness, and they are glorifying Him until their final breath.  Please pray that Christ would be near and would continue to comfort and encourage them.

"The faith of the Bible will never call you to deny reality in any way.  The faith of the Bible is so in awe of the grandeur and glory of God that it is able to look at the darkest of realities in life and not be afraid."  (Paul Tripp--New Morning Mercies)  

"And Give Him the Glory Great Things He Hath Done"

I've been recovering for a little over a week now from surgery, and I have to be honest...it's been so painful.  Between the mastectomy incisions, the axillary node biopsy, the drain insertions, and the tissue expanders, I'm never quite sure which part is hurting more!  We are still trying to figure out a combination of medications that makes it more comfortable, particularly through the night.  It WILL end (hopefully sooner, than later :)!!

However, we met with my surgeon this morning, and the news from my surgery could not be better.  I cannot believe I even get to write these words!  The pathology report showed NO cancer present in ANYTHING that was biopsied.  This means that both breasts, along with 10 lymph nodes that were removed on my left side contained not a trace of cancer when examined under the microscope, which is hands-down the BEST CASE scenario for my case!!  The left breast and lymph nodes contained "extensive stromal fibrosis with chronic inflammation...consistent with therapeutic effect," meaning my chemotherapy went in there and did EXACTLY what it was supposed to do to the cancer!  My risk of recurrence (local/regional and distant) is now significantly lower because there was a "complete pathological response" to the chemo.  My oncologist told me in the beginning that his goal was to get me cancer-free by surgery, and that's what he did!

We knew from the MRI I had back in June that the chemo had been working.  There were no longer any visible signs of the tumor on the scan.  However, it was still very possible that cancer cells were hiding amidst all of the calcifications, and they needed to remove those questionable areas in order to confirm a complete response to the treatment or not.  God has been so faithful through each step of this journey, and we knew He would continue to receive glory whether there were tears of joy or tears of sorrow with the results.  This time, we would be humbled and in awe that He saw fit to heal me.  Our surgeon nearly had tears right along with us and described this news as simply "awesome."

This was our ultimate desire, and we prayed desperately that cancer would be removed from my body.  But we knew this very easily could have gone the other way.  My tumor size, grade, type, and the fact that it had moved into my lymph system were risk factors that didn't weigh kindly in my favor.  Yet we rejoice in all that He has done and know that He continues to hold all of my days in His mighty hands.

This has been a tremendously difficult road to walk, and we are not quite at the finish line.  From everyone we have spoken with, there has been a consensus to still do radiation about 4-6 weeks from now.  Although there was no cancer on anything biopsied (which was in fact, awesome news!!), my surgeon still hesitated on calling me "cancer-free."  Because of the size of my original tumor and the fact that it had spread to lymph nodes, radiation will still likely be in the plan as one last means of battling the risk of recurrence in the lymph nodes, chest wall, or somewhere else distant.  We will know that decision once we meet again with the radiation oncologist.

We also need to complete my reconstruction, which if all goes well through radiation, should be finished about 3-6 months after my last radiation treatment.  The last little reminder of cancer will be my Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks until March 2016.  This is the targeted therapy component (for the Her2 positive status) of my chemotherapy regimen that they say has done most of the heavy lifting against my tumor.  Had I received my diagnosis 15-20 years ago, the outcome would have most likely been dreadfully different.  The chemo regimen I received (TCHP) is proving to be very successful in treating my type of cancer.

I will continue to post updates here as I progress towards the end of my treatments (there is a finish line that's almost in sight!).  Hopefully, normal life will resume sometime in the not so distant future :)  The Lord has opened my eyes to so many things through all of this, and my heart overflows with thankfulness...both for the works He has done and for the hands He has used to serve us.  These are the lyrics to a hymn that has been flowing through my mind this afternoon.  He has truly done great things...

To God, be the glory great things He hath done

So loved he the world that he gave us His Son

Who yielded His life our redemption to win,

And opened the life-gate that all may go in.

Refrain:

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,

Let the earth hear His voice,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,

Let the people rejoice;

Oh, come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,

And give Him the glory, great things He hath done.

Oh, perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,

To every believer the promise of God;

The vilest offender who truly believes,

That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

Refrain

Great things He hath taught us, great things He hath done,

And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;

But purer and higher, and greater will be

Our wonder, our transport when Jesus we see.

Refrain

(Fannie Crosby: 1820-1915)