Enduring Mile 10

Before being diagnosed with cancer in February, I had just started to train for a race.  Running has been one of my favorite things for many years, and it's one of the aspects of "normal life" that I miss the most right now.  There have been other seasons of my life when running has had to be temporarily sacrificed (like those nice long breaks during pregnancy!).  The race I was training for has come and gone, but I hope to get another one on the calendar once my body is healthy again!

Running, surprisingly to many people, brings me joy.  Now, I don't necessarily miss the training part.  Those cold, dark, early mornings tend to make me question my sanity to CHOOSE such a thing for myself (and confirm the value of good running buddies :).  Ironically, though, those mornings can often turn into the very reason I choose to run as well.  You suffer through those first few miles, the sun quietly rises, and all of a sudden, it's there...the runner's high!  God's glory in creation is on full display, your legs get their stride, and running becomes almost theraputic (especially when you have great music blaring through your headphones :).

Then comes the day of the race...you arrive and immediately bond with the thousands of other runners who have been doing the very same thing that you have on those cold, dark, early mornings.  It's a beautiful thing to cross that starting line with strangers, who just recently became your new best friends.  Again, you suffer through those first few miles, get into a rhythm, and you're feeling good.  All of a sudden (and this seems to happen to me almost every half marathon that I've run), something happens to your body.  It's usually around Mile 10 for me.  My legs tighten up, and I get tired.  I know that there are only 3 miles left, but I have no idea how my body will allow me to go 3 more miles.  I've finished 10, and yet 3 feels like an eternity.

Friends, that's a bit how I feel right now.  I've finished 4 cycles of this chemotherapy regimen, and have only 2 to go!  Almost every time I tell someone this, they begin to do the happy dance.  And I do too, but then I stop.  The thought of having to endure one more cycle of chemotherapy is enough to make me want to run and hide right now.  How will I possibly be able to get through 2 more cycles?  2 more cycles of having them access my port (I can't seem to get used to a needle coming at my chest :).  2 more cycles of that foggy, sleepy haze that comes with chemo.  2 more cycles of nausea, weight loss, and having to keep up with food and fluids.  2 more cycles of funky, awful tastes.  2 more cycles of bone pain and body aches.  You get the idea :)

I have written very little since getting chemo #4 because I have just honestly been weary.  It's my Mile 10 to endure.  I've come so far, and it's only a little further for this part of the process!  The chemo finish line is close; but everything has tightened up, and I'm tired.  It's harder to find joy during the rough weeks, and I just want time to go faster.

Dictionary.com defines endurance as this..."the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain or hardships; the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or adverse conditions; stamina."  And Romans 5:3-5 says, "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

When I push through and endure the pain in a race, I'm rewarded at the end with the finish line.  There will be rewards with this at the finish line as well.  I don't know exactly what that will look like right now, but I know I will be different.  I will be stronger, more refined, filled with more hope to endure the next challenge.

I want to thank all of you who spur me on to endure each day of this.  One of the difficulties in being tired and foggy much of the time is that I don't always get around to sending thank you notes.  I want each person who has reached out to us in any way to know how extremely grateful I am.  I've been in awe of the people who have loved us, some that don't even know us!  I've read every card, every text, every Facebook message (many through tears).  I've watched my family enjoy meals delicately prepared by people.  We've cried as we've received beautiful thoughtful gifts (and gift cards!).  My children are being loved and cared for by so many (and most of these people have children of their own and don't blink at the challenge of adding my four to the mix!).  If you have done anything for our family during this time, please know that you are appreciated more than the words I could write.  We love you each so much and could never have imagined the amount of support we've been shown by you.  My hope is that I will learn from you how to love others well in suffering and will be better equipped to help them endure the race set before them.

Chemo #5 is in the morning, and as I write this, I'm beginning to feel more ready!  I was battling a cold and cough when I went in for my last round.  My oncologist was a little bit hesitant to treat me, but he decided to put me on a Z-pac and give it a go.  The Z-pac took care of the illness, and my body handled everything just fine!  I really believe God has placed his hand of protection over me so many times along the way, as my immune system has endured my exposure to germs and illnesses.  Emergency room visits due to infection are common for chemo patients, and I feel so fortunate to have avoided those thus far!

As usual in my third week, I've felt really good!  I've had a great appetite, have had lots more energy, and have had a busy week catching up on life :)  You can pray for me during my treatment tomorrow...I know that you do because I have SO much peace during chemo!

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you..." (Philippians 1: 3)

Here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks...

Getting some much needed fluids at the beginning of Week 2

These little guys got to do Lego Camp!  Our friend owns a Bricks 4 Kids business, and it was awesome!!

Fire, smores, and cousins=kid heaven!  The only thing better was camping in the backyard with Daddy that night!!

What a sweetie!!

This kiddo and I skipped the campout, but had our fair share of smores :)

A.J. has officially lost both front teeth, and it's ADORABLE!!  

Family night at Chick-Fil-A...they made glasses!

An evening at the park and...

GRAETERS ICE CREAM!

We took my parents' tickets and were lucky enough to see the Reds win!!

So fun to be out together!!

The adults in our family got a babysitter for all 11 kids so that we could go out for my Mom's birthday.  What a great investment, and one we need to make again soon!!

Just the girls...

and the boys :)