Grateful for Grace #1

Well, friends...I'm into the second week of my chemo recovery.  These are the rough days, the ones where the minutes and hours tick by ever so slowly.  My body is weak, I feel nauseous most of the time, and forcing myself to eat and drink with tormented taste buds and a non-existent appetite is literally painful.  However, I am writing today because there is so much good that God is doing...

I was lying in bed at 2:00 a.m. after waking, and I was overwhelmed with the little treasures that God is gracing my life with, even during this time of affliction.  You know that feeling you get when you hold a moment in for a bit, and you think you will never forget it?  And then alas, you do.  Days, weeks, and months pass, and those seemingly defining moments get a bit foggy.  You vaguely remember the joyful emotion, but it's harder to grasp your thoughts that once seemed so clear.

Preparing for Chemo #5 was oh so difficult for me.  I was weary, spent, and quite honestly wanted to run and hide.  Yet, I now feel strengthened and energized, ready to face these next several weeks.  And, praise God, He is giving me a spirit of gratefulness that I want to remember and hold fast to when the storms of suffering seek to level me.

So I'd like to use this space not only as a record for myself and a way to communicate our circumstances to family and friends, but as a place to store those moments that I don't want to forget.  I struggle with what to write sometimes, particularly on the days when I'm too sick to think about anything else.  But there are always tidbits of joy...ALWAYS.  They slip away so quickly and tend to get lost in the fog of my current conditions.  Fighting for joy must involve gratitude on my part.

As I was lying in bed in the middle of the night, I could think of a whole list of things I was so grateful for in my day!  Those silver linings, the beautiful graces that God had given me to encourage my heart.  The amazing thing was the joy that rushed over me as I pondered those things.  The gratefulness truly produced joy, even though I had been through a pretty rough day, physically speaking.

I'm rambling :)  What I'd ultimately like to do is to try to list three things each day that have brought me joy.  Nothing earth shattering, nothing formal...just three things that brought me gratitude for the grace of God (some days it may be difficult to stick to three...a few more may sneak in :).  Some of those things may seem insignificant or even silly, some may be more rich and profound.  But I think it will do wonders for my spirit on those long-suffering days when joy is just difficult to choose.  It will also, hopefully, give you a glimpse into more of the little details of our day that really are so sweet.

So here goes...

1.)   I'm grateful that the past creates a bond between siblings that you have with no one else.  If you grew up in the 80's and 90's, this might include some seriously (cheesy) awesome choices in TV shows.  Bryan and I were watching TV last night and discovered ME-TV (we have no cable, so it was just through our antenna!).  Saved by the Bell: the College Years (can I get an "oh, yeah"?) came on and Bryan just didn't get it.  I immediately texted those two other people who raced to the TV with me in their pj's on Saturday mornings to inhale some Zach, Kelly, and A.C. Slater!  What fun to text back and forth about a sweet childhood memory we share and to go back in time for a moment :)

2.)  I'm grateful for the sweet family at church that sent us a video about Joni Erickson Tada's battle with Stage 3 breast cancer.  Joni is a quadriplegic who was paralyzed in a diving accident at the age of 17.  In her 50's now, she shares her journey through a devastating breast cancer diagnosis, in the midst of her additional struggles as a quadriplegic.  A friend took my kids on Friday, and I popped in this video for the afternoon.  Tears soaked my face as I listened to this amazing testimony of a woman who continues to love the Lord through a suffering so very similar to my own.  I highly recommend it if you have battled this disease or know anyone who has (and you know me :).  The links are below if you are interested, and you can also order the whole DVD at that site...

Cancer - Joni's Journey: Part 1 | Joni and Friends

Cancer - Joni's Journey: Part 2 | Joni and Friends

3.)  I'm grateful for time this past week to read a fantastic book!  If you haven't read "Unbroken," by Laura Hillenbrand, go get started now!  It's the story of Louis Zamperini, the Olympic athlete who was taken captive as a POW in Japan during WWII.  I'm probably a bit behind to the party because I never saw the movie that came out last year.  But the book is SOOOOOOO good, and how timely and appropriate to read it during this stage of chemo treatments.  I needed some lessons on endurance, and there are few better places I can think to find them than through the life of this incredible man.

4.)  I know, I said three things, but I had to add this one as well today :)  I'm so grateful for my friend and mentor, Karen, and her willingness to take me to get fluids yesterday.  Her family has been a part of my husband's life for almost two decades, and mine for over one.  She is a precious gem of a woman, and she has invested so much into my life, teaching me how to love the Lord and to be faithful to Him through both joys and sorrows.  Her example and testimony is beautiful, and I know countless others who would say the same :)